Every marriage has them, there is absolutely no perfect marriage. Anyone that tells you their marriage is perfect, is lying. However, just because marriages go through conflict, doesn’t mean that it can’t be resolved. According to statistics, 50% of marriages end in divorce and separation.
Here are 6 tips you should incorporate in conflict resolution the next time you and your spouse get into a disagreement.
1. Stay Calm.
Your attitude can make a big difference in how you and your spouse handle disagreements. Be sure to keep your voice and attitude at a mature, cool level. If you feel tempted to scream, yell or shout, take a deep breath, pause and think about your next thought. You may also consider taking a few moments to yourself and pray before trying to resolve the issue.
Proverbs 15:1- A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2.Make out Time.
Make out some one on one time with your spouse to calmly and respectfully talk things out. Instead of pointing fingers at your spouse and saying “You did this” and “You are this,” say: “I felt hurt/sad/upset/ when this happened.” Try your best to emphasize how the “action” or “words” made you feel.
Matthew 18:15a-“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.”
3.Don’t wait too Long.
If something is really bothering you in your marriage, don’t keep it bottled in, let it out. Eventually, if you keep all of your concerns inside and don’t express them, those concerns will eventually come out at some point, but most likely not in the best manner. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Talk it out.
Ephesians 4:26-“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.
4.Forgive.
Jesus forgave all of us, no matter what we did. Jesus did not compare our sins to one another and say” Hmm, I think I can forgive this sin, but not this one.” He forgave every single one, and He expects us to do the same. Not so that we can abuse it, but use it when we truly need it. Don’t bring up all the past things your spouse has done to you; once you resolve it, forgive and forget. Forgiveness is powerful, it has the power to heal and restore relationships and marriages, but unforgiveness (and bitterness) has the power to destroy and dismantle them. Don’t let it destroy yours.
Mark 11:25- “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
5. Love your spouse.
Love your spouse through it all. No one said that marriage would be easy, but hey, we got into it anyway. Love covers a multitude of sins. Jesus covered ours.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8- Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
6. Pray for Your Spouse.
Last, but not least, always pray for your spouse. A family that prays together, stays together. Prayer is a powerful tool that God has given us and it can change things. When all else has failed, always remember “to pray is to win.”
Philippians 4:6- Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
With love, Grace
Grace Anyanwu is a Christian psalmist, minister, writer, and author of I Choose to Wait. In 2016, Grace married her love and best friend, Dr. Miracle Anyanwu. She, alongside her husband, presides over various ministries such as Miracle Anyanwu Ministries (M.A.M), I Choose to Wait Movement (I.C.W.),The Miracle Anyanwu Foundation (MAF) – a non-profit charitable organization targeted primarily for the underprivileged in Africa. Grace loves encouraging and inspiring women to live boldly for Christ and she does that through Grace Encourages. Outside of ministry, they love traveling, relaxing on the beach, writing, watching movies, bowling, and spending time with loved ones. They are blessed with four lovely children.
